My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
