She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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