weddingsv make me drug and hornr
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
