Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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