people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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