I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
