i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
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I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
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Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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