I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
