I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
