Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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