My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
