Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
