wat bout pragnant strippers??
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
