I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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