Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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