Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
is it fun? or sober?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
