what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
