The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
