Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
