there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
