i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We had sex on a dog bed..
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
