i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
