only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
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I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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