:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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