wakey wakey hands off snakey
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
