i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
