I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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