the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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