just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
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But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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