a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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