GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
