im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
