god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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