Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
