I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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