The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
