I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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