Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
