Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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