she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
