i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
