People in love make me want to vomit
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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