Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
