the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
