would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
