She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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