I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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