oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
