By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
