That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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