Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
