Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
smell my finger.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
