He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
you made out with another girl for some wings
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
