Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Randomize
