Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
