I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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