Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
