Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Randomize
