He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
