remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
It's official drugs can't kill me
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
