Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
