I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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