I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
