I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
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