how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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