If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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