he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Randomize
