I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
