I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
