I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
