I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
