after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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