If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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