Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
