I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
