I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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