is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
