She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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