I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
