It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
