remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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