I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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