I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
