she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
