Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
