One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
